


the same coin

by GwenTheTribble



Series: As Morning Shows the Day [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Tarsus IV, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:04:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwenTheTribble/pseuds/GwenTheTribble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first thing James Tiberius Kirk heard when he came into existence was a goodbye.  It’s oddly appropriate.</p><p> </p><pre></pre><p>The first thing S’Chn T’Gai Spock heard when he came into existence was his mother’s tears of joy and someone’s comment on her humanity.   It’s oddly appropriate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the same coin

The first thing James Tiberius Kirk heard when he came into existence was a goodbye.  It’s oddly appropriate.


The first thing S’Chn T’Gai Spock heard when he came into existence was his mother’s tears of joy and someone’s comment on her humanity.   It’s oddly appropriate.


Jim learns to walk in an old farmhouse, and no one is looking when he takes his first steps.   It’s the first time he runs away from home.


Spock learns to walk in a room with the furniture pushed to the side, and a ring of pillows surrounding him.  His father was the one who set it up for him.   On one side of the room is his mother, squatting and opening her arms wide to hold him and on the other side is his father who kneels and beckons him. Spock chooses the door.


Jim’s first fight is with an older boy who told him that his father hated him and wanted to leave him. They’re both taken to the principal’s office.  The other boy turns on the water works but Jim just smirks.


Spock’s first day of school ends with the teacher giving him unchallenging work because she didn’t believe he could test so high.  Spock’s second day of school ends with the teacher claiming he cheated and the other students glaring at him.  His third day of school ends with a call home and name calling.  His fourth day of school ends with harder work and the term “half-breed” in his ears.   His first week of school ends with a black eye and a bloody nose.   Only one of those is his.


Jims’ mother remarries when he’s four.   Frank doesn’t like him and Sam, and they don’t like him.   They all pretend for his mother’s sake.


Spock stops crying when he is six. He will not do it again for twenty years.


Jims’ mother returns to space when he is five. He understands that she is like him and can’t stay put, so he doesn’t allow himself to cry over it.


Spock gets in fights when he is _fivesixseveneightnineteneleven._ His father asks him what path he will choose, and if Spock were anything but Vulcan(half-but he never mentions that)he would laugh or scream or cry. Because his father makes it sound as though he has a choice, as though his father has not been reminding him about logic and staring him down since he was born. As though if Spock chooses his humanity, he will not be banished like Sybok(it hasn’t happened yet, but they all know it is just a matter of time) so Spock chooses Vulcan, because there was never any choice at all.


Jim is left behind. He thinks this must be a law of the universe; nobody will want to stay with James Kirk. His dad leaves when he is born(he took his mom away too, when he left, because she never could look him in the eye), his mom leaves him and Sam with Frank because she is too in love with warp cores and Nebulas and too in fear of his fathers memory to stay in Iowa, and Sam leaves because he says he can’t be a Kirk in that house and apparently being a Kirk means leaving. So Jim takes his dads car and _goes._ He is tired of being left behind and forgotten. He won’t let it happen again, even if it means he’s the one who always leaves.

_“Citizen what is your name?”_

_“My name is James Tiberius Kirk!”_

He’s a Kirk after all, and laws were meant to be broken.


Spock knows he will not live long. T’Pring will eventually dissolve their bond, and he will go into Pon Farr without a bondmate. If it is not this that kills him, it is possible that it will be his own genetic makeup that gets him. He is a hybrid after all, the only one of his kind. He doesn’t mind the thought of dying young though. Vulcans live up to 200 years, and he is fifteen and already _so tired._


Jim is fourteen and he killed the man. It wasn’t his fault the guy was trying to steal their food he has to _runrunrun_. The food he has blood on his hands for is a half rotten tomato, but it’s the best he’s found in three days and all the kids are so _hungry._ Jim is fourteen and the guards catch them and _shitshit run go get offher!_ He tries to send the others away but the guards have guns and _the soldier hits Eddy over the head with his rifle and Eddy falls in the mud and doesn’t get back up_ Jim is fourteen and he and Kevin are in the same group of five hundred and _“The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV." And everybodys screaming and trying to run but the soldiers are gunning them down oh god_ and Jims fourteen and he’s got his arms wrapped around Kevin and he’s covering him because Jim is supposed to be the person who leaves first _and everybody is dead but him and Kevin and and and nobody_ and the soldier is walking towards them and Jim is fourteen and he feels the certainty of death and a no-win scenario _and the Starfleet officers burst in and their red uniforms are a pale imitation of the blood soaking the pregnant woman’s shirt in front of him_ Jim is fourteen, and he is alive but _dear god he didn’t deservewant to be._


Spock is in the desert again. It is the best place to look at the stars. He wonders if there is anything out there to keep going for, and if he is the only person who is doing this tonight. He wants to run.


Jim drinks and smokes and fucks. He does it for _years._ He’s alone in a farmhouse in Iowa because Frank left and Jims still the one getting left behind. He graduates high school at fifteen and gets a master’s degree in engineering for the hell of it. He drives too fast and gets thrown in jail and gets released and he’s always got signs of a fight on him, and dear god if anyone would look past his blue eyes for a minute they would see his mother. Jims seventeen, and he is alone.


Spock is going to accept admittance to the VSA. This is what he has been working for.  His father reminds him of this, though he doesn’t use those words. His father tells him many things, without using those words (humans are an illogical species; _half of you is wrong_ ). Spock is going to accept admittance to the VSA _it will be like signing his own death warrant_ he will attend the most prestigious and selective of academies and he will join the scientists there once he has graduated. He will sit in a lab and read papers about scientific discoveries made by people who aren’t sitting in a lab. Spock is going to accept admittance to the VSA. He is going to be Vulcan. He is going to accept-“it is truly remarkable Spock that you have achieved so much, in spite of your disadvantage”-He is supposed to accept-“If you would clarify, Minister: to what disadvantage are you referring?”-He should accept-“your human mother”-he was going to accept-“council… ministers I must decline” and his father reminds him of his commitment to honor the Vulcan path and the minister is asking if he came before the council to satisfy his emotional need to rebel, and he is certain that his eyes glint as he says live long and prosper, but just this once he does not care. He is going to accept admittance to Starfleet Academy. He is finally running.


Jim is drunk in a bar in Iowa, and he sees a pretty girl. He starts flirting with her, and she doesn’t fall for any of his lines. He’s impressed. She almost starts flirting back when some cadets get involved, so when he’s drooling onto the floor he counts it as a win.


Captain Pike tells him he’s his fathers son and tells him to enlist, and Jim laughs at the captain and at himself for considering it.


He joins up on a dare. In this, like in all things, he is his mother, because she would never turn down a dare.


He meets a man with nothing left but his bones and jims just got the clothes on his back and even those have blood on them. James Kirk is leaving, but this time he’s running towards something.


End file.
